This was written (in my head) on August 8 as I flew to Korea to surprise Tiffany. She has no idea I'm coming right now. She texted me earlier this morning and said, "10 more days!" and I replied, "10 days! That's practically a week. And a week goes by so fast it just feels like a day!" Sneaky! I'll see her tomorrow. So, back to that whole "I'm on a plane thing..." yeah...this is crazy. Little did I know that this plane ride, that I planned on sleeping through, would be one of the most hilarious experiences of my life. So please, put your seat back and tray tables in the upright and locked position and enjoy the ride.
So there I was...at the Dallas Airport at 4:20 AM with nothing to do until 6 AM when my plane left. I got there way to early. Dang it. What an awful way to start a trip - missing out on sleep I could have had. But let's face it, I decided to stay up all night anyways so I could sleep on the plane. So even if I had had that time, I wouldn't have used it to sleep. Now, the flights from Dallas to Los Angeles to San Francisco are really a blur. I don't know if you've seen the movie Knight and Day, but if so, the part where she's drugged and being transported all over the world and spontaneously opens her eyes and just has brief flashes at what's going on, well...that's how I felt these plane rides went. Only I didn't end up in a bikini on a deserted island with a handsome man. Dang it. Hate it when that doesn't work out...
So I truly have no recollection of those flights. I never even stayed awake long enough to make it to take off. I missed every free drink and peanuts and I talked to no one. Finally, in San Francisco I was coherent enough to walk around an be an actual, living human being. Then it happens: I can't find my gate. Apparently there are two, count 'em 1 - 2, international terminals in San Fran and I had just trekked up and down (multiple times...) the wrong terminal. Sooo...keep walking. I had to re-check in and go through security again which honestly terrified me because I didn't have my checked bag. Where was it? Didn't I already check it? Was I supposed to pick it up and re-check it too? And why is every security guard so angry? Luckily I had a 4 hour layover to answer all those questions. Except the last one. That's still a mystery. So I just wandered around and asked questions whenever I got too tired of walking.
Two hours later, I finally found my gate. I hadn't eaten since last night so I went to the one restaurant in the terminal and bought the most expensive cup and a half of pasta I've ever seen. I asked them to heat it up and then brought it bag to my cove at the gate and dove in. DISGUSTING! It was hot on the outside and ice cold on the inside. I also think the meat was ground up road kill from the last flock of birds an airplane hit. Would that be called airkill? Either way, it was gross. Then the moment came to board the plane that would take me on the longest flight of my life. It was also the biggest plane I have ever seen and had a colony of stewardesses living on the plane. I've never seen so many in one place! With their little matching handkerchiefs around their necks.
As they led me to my seat, I felt like I was going to a hotel room. I couldn't wait to sit down, recline and fall back asleep! The best part was the beautiful sealed packets of blankets I had waiting for me. Thank Heavens! I'm always so cold on airplanes. So I got all nestled in my lounge chair and realize that I can't fit my back pack under the chair in front of me because there's a big metal box. Now, I want you to picture this because it's ridiculous. There's a line of 3 seats in front of me. I'm in the window seat and in front of me has the metal box. The woman sitting next to me (who doesn't speak hardly any English, and I speak ZERO Korean) has a small green bag under her chair. The isle seat was occupied by a Korean man who was not helpful at all (no idea what language he speaks) but he had nothing under the chair in front of him and after this incident I'm about to tell you about, he got up and moved to the center row of seats across the isle from us. So we have tons of room under the seats in front of us and one small green bag. I need to put my backpack somewhere. I can't reach the overhead bins and being by the window really makes a 12 hr. flight difficult to put something I need in the overhead bins. So I decided to try to communicate with my seatmate and motion for her to slide her bag down so I could fit mine in. After much hand waving, she replied "yah, yah!" and we were settled with the two bags under the 2 free spots in front of us.
FALSE.
As I was about to drift into my sleep deprived state she says, "No no! No room for feet."
You're kidding me, right? There's tons of space...I can see it. But I guess that wasn't enough room because she moved my backpack on top of my feet.
This is when the old guy left sitting by us.
So that freed up a seat and I expected my seatmate to scoot over, seeing as how well we were getting along, but she didn't. She used the empty seat as a foot rest!!!
Whatever. I'm going to sleep.
Did I remember take off? Negatory. Never do, always sleep through.
An hour later I woke up to a bright light and what I suspected to be the Korean stewardess asking if I wanted a drink. I was so dazed at this point that I didn't know where I was or why I was here. I was so confused that I couldn't think of what drink to ask for because I didn't know what they drink in Korea. I decided to ask her what they drink and she said some words I couldn't understand so I asked for the orange drink I saw sitting on the edge. She replied, "You want orange juice?" Umm...yes. My bad.
As I sipped my Korean Orange Juice I realized I had a sealed bag of slippers sitting on my lap. Slippers!? What!! Did I pay for those while I was sleeping? Is there a spa room on this plane I haven't found out about yet? It it really so taxing to sit on a plane for 12 hours and wear shoes? I didn't know that slippers were so essential for this flight. I'm so glad I know now! Never again will I fly without slippers. And who was the magic slipper fairy that placed these on my lap as I slept? These are manna from Heaven! Slippers. Really? The excitement from the slippers exhausted me and I fell back asleep until dinner came.
Dinner:
I woke up to the stewardess asking if I wanted Korean or Western. I didn't know she was referring to dinner because it was only 3 pm but I had slept through the Lone Ranger so I chose Western in hopes that they would play that movie. I hear it's good. I believe it. I'd also be fine with John Wayne and I figured I'd understand what's happening since it'd be in English (hopefully), so naturally, Western seemed like the right choice. And I guess it wasn't a movie because she immediate served me a steak and potato dinner. I'll take it.
Well done Western, well done.
But dinner at 3? What am I supposed to do at 9 when I'm starving and still have six more hours on a plane!? So dinner...
First thing I notice was the cake. Of course, dessert. It looked delicious so I'll save the best for last.
Steak: Looks and smells incredible. Tastes like velvet and is soft and fuzzy. Hmmm...one bite was enough.
Potatoes and green beans: Both were slather in gravy and therefore delicious. I ate them all! Yes mom, all my green beans. Proud?
Orzo Pasta: One bite of nastiness
Buttered Roll: need I say more?
Salad: good until the soggy brown layer at the bottom
Cake: my favorite. The second I took off the lid, sugar flooded my nostrils and excited every cell in my body. It was so good. My fork cut through in a solid sweep because it was so fluffy and airy. As soon as it touched my mouth it dissolved into a delicious vanilla flavor. Heaven!
After that cake I was ready for a nap, that was too good to be true! But I cant sleep for two reasons:
#1 - Slippers. Did I win a prize while I was sleeping? Where did these come from!! Did everyone get some? Why? I haven't moved them from my lap or touched them because they have this sort of sacred aura around them. I can never discard these beautiful things. I think I'm fascinated with them because they make me feel so loved. The Good Slipper Fairy cared so much about my poor weary travelling toes that they gave me puffs of air to put on my feet and forget all my cares. Thank you.
#2 - Hair. There is a huge, long thick black hair stuck in the window. Gross. My head has been sleeping on that window for hours. How long has that hair been there? It's not mine. It could have been there for years. YEARS! Gross. Reminds me of an old Korean roommate I had that used to shed like crazy. I tried to pull it out with a napkin but it was stuck. It's wedged in there so tight! I'd hate to be the head that that hair came out of! Ouch! And that just made it 2000 times grosser.
It was an exciting flight. And I made it to Korea and surprised Tiffany, Rock and baby Cali. It's been a blast with tons of adventures!
.JPG)
